Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
