I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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