Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
