Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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