Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
