ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
