Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
