Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Randomize
