dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
