I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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