Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
