Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
