he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
