Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
