i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
