What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
