So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
