It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize