Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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