Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
