Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
