I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
