You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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