is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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