...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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