brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
