We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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