Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
