Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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