so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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