This is not my ceiling
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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