I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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