so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
