i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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