I think my vagina is haunted
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
