Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
