I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's shark week go big or go home
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
