I think I just saw someone hide a body.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
