i'm signing you up for texting rehab
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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