how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
