Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
