He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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