dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
