I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You have to summon your inner elephant
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
