Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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