he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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