My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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