So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
