Betty ford says i'm here all night
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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