I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
