we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
