Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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