So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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