if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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