guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
