It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
