2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
