Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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