Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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