exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
