Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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