I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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