They should really pass out barf bags in church
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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