i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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