I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
