Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
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Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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