I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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