I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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