Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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