You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
