i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
