Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
only if we run a train.
done.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
