K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
